Why weren’t they called... The Water Beatles, ya know?.... Like if they were gonna spend so much time in there?!....Octopus’ Garden, I Am The Walrus, I mean, c’mon... heck if they all live in a Yellow Submarine, I contest that that already makes them water beatles....hmmm...though I guess it’s debatable, cause they live in the sub, not technically touching the water themselves...but like legally you could argue, if this ever went to court, that ‘marine’ means water.....

and like how did they get in there in the first place...why were they fixing that hole...hmmm?....that could easily have come from water damage...

though...oof...getting bugs in a submarine...that’s terrifying, ya know...and like they weren’t a goth band....I wonder if there are any goth Beatles cover bands who change the lyrics to.. primarily deal with...ya know...being trapped in a yellow...or any coloured...submarine.. underwater...that’s full a bugs....I mean prolly make a good horror movie, I would think....Maxwell’s Silver Hammer Horror films ya know...

Maxwell’s Demon, making it even scarier....that perpetual motion machine...I mean, talk about sexy....you got that demon sorting the mole-cules ya know....look it up!...and while you’re at it, give Velvet Goldmine another spin....but ya know Maxwell’s Demon, second law of thermodynamics...all that physics stuff....e=mc squared you know... MC Hammer too!....though huh... ‘please Hammer don’t hurt em’ doesn’t really go along the whole Hammer Horror ethos......thoooooouugh ‘ stop. Hammer time’ IS THE PERFECT AD CAMPAIGN....what a complex relationship Horror films have always had with early 90s rap...Ice T, T like the sign of the cross ya know...ward off vampires...though I still didn’t see Leprechaun in the Hood comin’....Deep Blue Sea, you got LL Cool J playing a chef...I mean why didn’t they get Rae-Kwon, ya know?... and the question that’s always been on my mind, why didn’t Kid N Play make Haunted House Party ya know...Halloween special

back to the bugs on the submarine...what if they were all singing Can’t Touch This...while the crew is desperately trying to hammer them down...I mean that’d be especially annoying...and really cause I picture it as a drone remix, with like the sound of flies buzzing playing a prominent part in the track...

heck, get Bugs Bunny involved too...but ya know, a version of Bugs that would be more appropriate to being trapped in a submarine infested with insects...and imagine what the humans are going through, having to deal with not only this humming and crawling of millions of winged critters.. but also a sarcastic talking rabbit....though oh man the drama when Bugs, bitten to the bone, and unable to fight against this infestation any longer, is finally brought to the infirmary and on his last legs delivers his famous line ‘what’s up, Doc?’... only to have that doctor be.. you guessed it Dr. Frankenstein, who Bugs genuinely believes is a specialist in infectious insect diseases

I mean this leaves room for a sequel too!...the same exact film but with Dr. Jekyll heading up the onboard hospital... Heckyl & Jekyll remember those cartoons? the blackbirds ya know...man, McCartney is swift...and then for the third part of the trilogy you got Doctor Robert...fighting these creatures with a revolver ya know...

and Hammer and Bugs both distributed by Warner Bros.!...so of course there should be a crossover... a marriage made in heaven....or hell as the case may be.... though perhaps less violent and psychologically damaging than Bugs’ own Marriage Of Figaro...

throw a sarcophagus on board just to change up the plot a little...ya know, ‘mother Mary comes to me’... Mother Mary...Mummy, ya know...cause they’re British...

and with mummies, you always got scarabs...another type of beetle!

I mean I don’t know why scarabs aren’t in every horror film...ya got..scare...right, right in the name...and like how the Beatles are here, there, and everywhere, mentioned daily in popular culture...well scarabs could be the Beatles of horror films

‘in my hour of darkness’, I mean woah! did McCartney compose this..for a horror soundtrack? ...I mean Let It Be was a film!...admittedly not your typical slasher flick...

and like ‘when I find myself in times of trouble’...I mean that’s the premise for every horror film ever made...all begins with a spot of bother, ya know...

Though man, had they been the Water Beatles, McCartney coulda carried this pretty far...Water Wings, ya know...have that hit Jetski...oo oo etc.....Red Rose Waterway....Band On The Swim...I mean they already got Sailor Sam in there...and rabbits on the run!.....Hi Hi Hi, he’s all rabbits again!

and woah!...Christopher Lee’s on the cover to Band on the Run...just put him in a wetsuit...escaping Alcatrazz ya know...and that was one of Steve Vai’s early bands...heck imagine if Hammer put out a film where Paul McCartney and Christopher Lee are trying to escape Steve Vai’s hot licks!...Crossroads Two, ya know...but aquatically...

woah! the Crossroads soundtrack came on Warners too!.. as did Eat Em And Smile, that coulda been a horror title...combine it with another Warner film - Spies Like Us, for which McCartney wrote the theme tune...and I’m not saying he should be in prison for that, let alone maximum security like Alcatraz

but woah! ‘we get there by hook or by crook’ of course he’s talking about pirates!...taking it back to the ocean...

man, I never noticed how Alcatrazz the band is spelt with an extra Z...and yet they’re not a ZZ Top cover band! ...but I mean you need strong legs to make that swim...

and oh man...Alcatraz the prison is in the Bay Area, just like where MC Hammer’s from...bring him in on this, finally reconciling with a rebooted Hammer Horror franchise...

of course he’s 2 Legit 2 Quit...and we’re talking about the legal system what with Alcatraz and all...but of course with vampire pirates and Steve Vai blasting fireballs off the neck of his guitar from the crow’s nest, with Heckle & Dr. Jekyll of course...Christopher Lee’s Dracula’s taken control of the island...just like in The Man With The Golden Gun....The Man With The Golden Slumbers...maybe he’s narcoleptic, that’s his Achilles heel...got McCartney holed up writin’ tunes while his lawyer played by MC Hammer of course is feverishly working on his case on the mainland...but while all that’s going on, Macca’s secretly working on plans to morph into a bug and escape...opening scene he’s like reading Kafka for some foreshadowing...heck, get Clint Eastwood and Patrick McGoohan in it too.. if we’re on Alcatraz...and of course Iron Maiden if we’re talkin about The Prisoner...heck, this has the makings of the greatest horror film ever made!....get Bugs Bunny to pop out of a real Iron Maiden, completely unscatched, all healed from any signs of insect-ridden disease, and then deliverin’ his famous line ‘What’s up, Doc?’ but in a way that makes you think this has been a documentary all along! woo!