Synchronized swimming you know...not for the faint of heart...sink, very first syllable right there...it’s like shooting yourself in the foot...and you’d sink even quicker doing that ya know...are guns even allowed in competitive swimming....or even at public pools...for practice ya know....I mean a good thing to have I guess if you encounter a shark....though how many sharks are roaming unawares in public swimming pools...I mean let’s discard the evidence of Jaws III for a moment...that very well may not have been a documentary, as far as I’m aware...

but like since it’s synchronized, that implies there’s at least two of you....so like do you shoot the other one’s foot?....so you both sink in unison....I mean this seems dangerous, like if you miss your partner’s toes...bullets can go flying off into the audience...like a more lethal hockey puck....heck, what if it even kills one of the judges....and you’ve just given the performance of your life...what are you gonna do then?....well, I guess the team would have to kill two judges..from the same angle...to give this any semblance of being the intention of the performer’s act...that they should be awarded more points for executing...gotta be a better word....so precisely...

though I mean I guess it’s implied but who’s to say the shooting of the phrase shooting yourself in the foot has to mean a firearm...I mean people use other things to shoot with ya know....like shooting the breeze...that’s just talkin’....though I mean a duo each talking to their feet is not what I imagine the riveting display spectators of synchronized swimming are paying to see...unless it’s like in the ocean, outdoors where there’s more of a breeze....and then you got that whole shark problem again...

people shoot bows & arrows too...again probably a bit problematic for synchronized swimming...or any largely aquatic events....having to move the arrow through the medium of water...I mean there’s a reason Cupid has wings and not flippers and a tail...though like in Roman mythology, how did that play out?...like when Neptune heard Van Halen were getting back together, would he really not even have thought of giving Cupid a call?...especially when he knows they’re opening with Light Up The Sky!...Cupid’s milieu...

though again David Lee Roth had that song Elephant Gun off Eat Em And Smile...bringing it back to rifles and whatnot...what if Cupid was the only one who could get tickets...was Neptune really gonna be that pigheaded about it?....though what if he did make the call and got burned cause instead of concert tickets they were actually passes to an amateur synchronized swimming event....well, if it featured elephants then maybe alright!....

but I mean elephants don’t really swim...especially in like a pool, they’re tall enough to walk right through it...and are they firing guns or bows and arrows....that seems dangerous, especially if they’re not familiar with the rules of synchronized swimming!........or maybe like taking the shoot the breeze interpretation, maybe they were taught perfect English and would spend most of their act talking to their own feet....this sounds more like experimental theatre than an Olympic sport....but I mean often there’s only a fine line between the two!...and how would they hold the gun anyway?....would they like have to wrap their trunk around it to get a purchase...wait a second, can’t they just shoot things out of their trunk to begin with?....would it be forceful enough to make a hole in their partner’s foot is the question...but I mean who said puncture wounds definitely had to be a part of synchronized swimming?!

I mean I haven’t read all of the Babar books, was this covered in any of them?....or was there a sequel to Dumbo I don’t know about?....that scene where he gets drunk, terrifying to see as a child... but like that’s so close to synchronized swimming with all the dancing and implied debauchery...I mean they’re ice skatin’, car racin’, and water skiin’ - so close!...

and then their trunks turn into trumpets and there’s the giant cymbals just like Alex Van Halen’s gong, I mean admittedly not on fire, that’s like the one thing that’s not happenin’ in that scene from Dumbo...but woah! what if the horns were playin’ like..Unchained!...you can’t not win a competition if you’re using’ that song...though a little close to the bone I would imagine, as there’s probably been some questionable methods of bringing them to the swimming pool in the first place

but wait a second, elephants have tusks they can puncture with...like that Fleetwood Mac album ya know...I mean a pair of pachyderms, one’s called Fleetwood the other’s named Mac...properly trained, they could clean up!...and not even by just trying to deceive people that they’re going to a Fleetwood Mac concert...

and there was that White Stripes album Elephant...and they’re a duo....was there any synchronized swimming on that tour?...blood red album cover ya know...evoking the whole shooting of the foot... “The Air Near My Fingers” ya know, that perfectly evokes swimming...

and of course Van Halen were originally known as Mammoth ya know...I mean that’s a lot of hair in the pool but I’m sure Roth is used to that....

I mean I guess like what I’m trying to figure out is if Van Halen, Fleetwood Mac, and The White Stripes all competed against each other..in Olympic synchronized swimming - or used a team of elephants by proxy -...who would place bronze, silver, and gold ya know...a timeless question