Ourobouros ya know...snake eating its own tail...I mean, snake tail doesn’t sound appetizing at the best of times.. but ya know like...raw?.....and to a snake itself..a form of cannibalism... just eatin’ it all the time too...doesn’t it ever want something else? ....or just a break...ya know, grab a Kit Kat...even go to a restaurant....

imagine if Party Of Five had dealt with this...I mean that woulda been a rad episode ya know...the ourobouros shows up at Salinger’s, their restaurant...ya know this giant snake..the size of the circumference of the world...without a reservation of course...Jennifer Love Hewitt gets stuck with having to seat it...and figure out what it’s gonna eat for the first time in thousands, maybe billions of years....that it’s had anything other than its own tail....I mean space is obviously going to be an issue...do they politely ask the other customers to finish up and leave....would anyone even want to eat in the company of such a massive ill-mannered snake?....and like does Love Hewitt have to read it the menu...does it know what other dishes are?...while it’s been eating its tail all these years has it been also keeping a keen eye on the cuisines of Northern California?....

or maybe like they could have the episode be an homage to The Godfather......not that giant snakes...or any size...have the hands to hold let alone shoot a gun but you know...it’s allegory...snakes...slippery underworld characters...

but that would wild if someone came in to assassinate the ouroboros...gun hidden in the bathroom ya know...but before they get their shots off, the snake’s got its own pistol hidden under the table and somehow manages...well I don’t know, wrappin its tail around itself enough so it can get a purchase on the trigger.. and takes out the would-be assassins...I mean nothing like that woulda been seen on TV at the time...

or like maybe the snake shows up for lunch...and he has called ahead...makes the reservation under the name William...holding the phone away from his mouth so they don’t hear him giggling...Claudia, the little sister you know, asks for a last name...and he can barely get it out he’s laughing so hard....finally gasps ‘Boros’....and she’s too young to have heard of any of the beat writers, or at least her character is, so she says ‘right, table for one for Mr. William Burroughs at 1 pm’....and although he’s seen the show, the snake can’t help himself and asks about the dress code...he knows they don’t have one...but he’s thinking about naked lunch... snakes don’t wear clothes anyway... and he’s laughing so hard he can barely hang up

maybe this episode is so popular that film execs would start thinking that Jennifer Love Hewitt and the ouroboros would make like the ultimate buddy movie ya know...

expand it to I Know What You Did Last Summer...but instead of it being about a murder, cause I mean that’s a bit dark, the film execs have done some polling and while audiences are keen to see Love Hewitt and a giant snake go on some adventures...they thought the brutality of the Godfather homage was a bit too much to continue with...though they’d still like to reference the episode..

....so maybe switch up I Know What You Did Last Summer to a lighthearted romantic comedy...they have a meet cute - cause Love Hewitt is of course a different character now, albeit one who looks remarkably like herself from Party Of Five - and they’re at a different restaurant on the other side of the country, North Carolina ya know...Merge Records... and the ouroboros is all, excuse me miss, but didn’t you used to work at Salinger’s in San Francisco...and Love Hewitt, now in her role as Julie James , tosses her hair back and explains how she gets that all the time..... but of course she’s seen the episode and knows who the snake is, he’s been getting a lot of attention from that everywhere... his reputation, ya know his actual mythical status has gotten even bigger....but like instead of I Know What You Did Last Summer being about murder, cause as we’ve seen that didn’t do too well in the polls, the title phrase could instead be used as a little joke between the two, referencing the very Party Of Five episode that brought all this about..... the whole crux of the plot is she wants to go out to eat occasionally, like normal couples, but the snake’s been hurt in the past, has gotten shy and just wants to stay in suckin on his own tail... Love Hewitt joshin him every time he goes to do so ‘I know what you did last summer, you went to that restaurant in San Francisco, can’t fool me by acting like you don’t tuck in to a nice spaghetti carbonara every now and then”............jokes like this really carrying the film.......and its sequels

but ouroboros man, that’s a cool word, reminds of...Wooly Bully...ya know that 60s tune...‘Woolly bully...etc’ you know how the song goes....’ouro boros... ouro boros’....I mean I know snakes don’t have wool....and aren’t bulls either...I’m sayin’ the number of syllables you know...that tune was at the beginning of Splash...imagine if, instead of Daryl Hannah being a mermaid...Tom Hanks found her as a giant electric eel...eating her own tail...I mean woo!....constantly getting shocked in the mouth..electricity through the teeth...OUCHIES!...that’s terrible...how could you sustain that over an hour and a half long film...I have no idea.......though that’s prolly what would make it a classic...you know the greats make it look so easy...

though how would this fit into the Jennifer Love Hewitt franchise ya know...Splash came out in 1984...strange they didn’t use any Van Halen tunes....Van Halen were even originally known as Mammoth...the OG Wooly Bully.....but like in the late 90s if a similar looking snake eel jobbie shows up at the Party Of Five restaurant people are gonna be all ‘hey, weren’t you in Splash?’... and askin’ for autographs...

I wonder if these selfsame film execs had tried the ouroboros buddy film idea out much earlier than we previously thought...thinking Tom Hanks would be the obvious sidekick...Boros Buddies ya know...Tom Hanks and the snake are dressing up as women to live in that apartment building....have to give Michael from Newhart the old heave ho...unfortunately

but why not have all three, combine forces you know - Love Hewitt, Tommy Hanks, and the snake... maybe like they could make a sequel to Volunteers, have the snake acting like the bridge they’re building..just laying itself across the river for people to walk over....wait a second though, didn’t this happen in Dragnet?!...but anyway that was a different snake...and no JLH!

and now that we’ve got the trio...well, this is gonna get a bit complicated...might be stepping on some toes...cause like this cast would be perfect for...Three To Tango!...and that’s Love Hewitt’s old co-star Neve Campbell’s film!....uuuuuhhhh .....with Matthew Perry too!....and like of course the snake is such a hot commodity by now they’re thinking he should have a role on Friends....maybe even take over the whole show...he buys Central Perk....adds a bunch of C’s at the beginning of the name so it’s sssssssssssentral ...ya know ssssss like a snake hissing....Tom Hanks resumes his role at that ad agency from Bosom Buddies...heck get Michael from Newhart back on it too...and why not Bob Newhart....no reason the snake can’t also open an inn in Vermont with its earnings....have it be like Jennifer Aniston’s spin-off series once the show ends.... have her take up her full name of Anastasakis again, that her father you know Victor Kiriakis from Days Of Our Lives shortened....really play up the whole Greek angle...to..you guessed it...play Medusa.......along with the snake!....the two of them running an inn in Vermont...one of the running gags is ‘is that an ouroboros on your head or are you just glad to see me?’...which is funny cause they can’t see her or they’ll turn to stone...and that’s how they build an addition on the hotel, using these statues as the foundation....